Friday, August 1, 2014

You might be a girl training for a long course triathlon if...

Back in "the day" a comedian named Jeff Foxworthy had a hysterical comedy routine: you might be a redneck if...

I thought they were very funny. There are of course now about one million and three spin offs of this joke. On a recent road trip I came up with my own little list for my very small demographic (40 year old long course triathlete hobbiest girls). I hope you enjoy.

You might be a girl training for a long course triathlon if...
  • You happily pay more for your chamois creme than you facial moisturizer.
  • You have ever attended a school meeting dressed at least partly in spandex and expect to be taken seriously.
  • You have ever reached into your purse for your car keys but first you find: a gel packet, a co2 canister, and your heart rate strap, a protein bar, 34 hair ties, an empty goggle case and of course no keys because you left those in your swim bag.
  • You have ever been invited to a formal evening event with your husband. It takes you 8  hours and 4 stores to find an appropriate dress that works with your tan lines.
  • While your mommy friends envy your toned legs what they don't realize is that you had to retire your skinny leg jeans because they don't fit your cyclist quads.
  • Your hairdresser cries when you come in because your hair still smells like chlorine. 
  • When you buy a bike helmet the first thing you check is whether your ponytail fits through the back. 
  • You maintain a nice looking pedicure but only get a manicure for truly special occasions because your nails are always short so you don't tear your wetsuit up and also for some reason manicures (but not pedicures) are instantly ruined during masters swim practice.
  • You are the only adult girl who eats the birthday cake at your kids friend's birthday party ... and you eat two pieces plus the leftovers on your kids plate.
  • You determine when you will shave your legs based on your swim schedule, and whether that swim is in salt water.
  • You may not have a Prada or other brand purse (because it would quickly be covered in infinite or gu drippings, or even chain grease) but you are super label conscious of your Garnier tri-bag, TYR skin suit, Oakley glasses and the list goes on...
  • You get dressed in jeans and a non-race shirt and your kids say, "why are you all dressed up?"
  • When your girlfriends want to try spinning they ask you where they should go. You say, "I don't usually go to spin class" and then proceed to list several friends who teach spinning around town.
    There are probably lots more. Share in the comments if you have funny things to add.

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